I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
