you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
