Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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