So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
