I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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