I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
