btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
