He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Operation Purity has been aborted
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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