Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize