Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize