So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
