you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
