I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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