Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
