you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize