There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
now i know why i became what i already was.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
