Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
