david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
