why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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