So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
