video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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