He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I love you.
Bad choice
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
