what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
