I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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