I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When are your genitals available?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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