She said her name was "party"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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