4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
