She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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