it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
