genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
