this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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