shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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