Whod you bang
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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