I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
