hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
