i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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