capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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