went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
