why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize