She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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