I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize