there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
