Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
