i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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