She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize