My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
