y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
