So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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