And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
