I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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