Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
