i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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