oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My vagina is officially offended.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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