Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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