My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
