thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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