So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
