I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
