we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
