i already hear my dad disowning me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
