She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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