I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
