I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
