Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
