Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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