He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize