Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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