My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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