he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we're making bets on your personal life
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize