what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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