You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
