Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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