We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
