I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
