Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
