you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize