I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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