Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were destined to go to rehab together
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
