dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
