I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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