I am midnight drunk by noon
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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